Weblog

Tuesday, 01 December 2009

  • Currently
    Neon Bible
    By Arcade Fire
    see related

    I had a great fucking night. My little brother was using his vaporizer and breathed in while it was still too hot, so he ran into my room and started projectile vomiting all over the floor. He was still too high to care so then he went back to his room and started playing Runescape with vomit all down his front and on his hands. He's at school now and I can't find his fucking vaporizer. I won't take his bongs or pipe but that fucking vaporizer, if I ever find it, I'm going to smash it on the pavement. It's a fucking stupid idea. He made it out of a lightbulb and a ballpoint pen and its the most disgusting thing I ever saw. It stinks and it makes him cough so bad, this is the second or third time he's started vomiting.

    Theres nothing wrong with weed. I smoke. It's not a bad thing if you do it right. I just wish he'd just take a fucking break every now and then. He's overdoing it. And the vape is just taking it too far. Vapes are for crackheads and it takes all the fun out of smoking.


    But yes. I'm back from the Thoreau Unit and the YTC and various other places and I'm scared shitless about wherever I'm going next. I don't want to go back to Nashoba. I went on facebook to see what I've missed and I felt sick. I don't know anyone anymore. Everyones changed and turned into complete shits. Maybe it's just me, feeling a little defensive, feeling a little sorry for myself and 'black sheeped', but I honestly don't remember them being such pathetic and immature little fucks.
    Theyre a bunch of ritalin-pumped motherfuckers and it makes me sad they're the new generation. What the fuck. America is fucked. I can't imagine these retards in later life. These assholes are never going to grow up, yet I have a sinking feeling they're going to be more 'successful' than me. They're going to get married and go to Disneyland and I'll be working at Borders and chewing Valium.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

  • Currently
    Funeral
    By Arcade Fire
    Crown of Love
    see related

     

    checking into mental hospital thursday i believe.

    joining the creepy cult/abbey thing down the road. evreyone down there is at least four hundred years old and speak in whispers. theyre very creepy. and most of them are either startlingly attractive or hideous. very quiet. very creepy. ugh.

    im going to a weekend retreat thing as well. basically i hate my life and everything about everything and

    i want to change everything. i am suddenly afraid im going to destroy myself.

     

    i dont feel as if i properly represent myself and i feel bad for not talking to anyone anymore. my friends at school have stopped calling. i think theyve given up. amy, who used to be like my best friend, keeps acting all condescending towards me, like im a lost cause, and i think angie is a bit overwhelmed. i think i fucked a lot of shit up. especially with angie. i liked her too much. i think we were gay, which is why she was pissed over stephen. wow thats weird. why the fuck cant i keep any relationship at a good safe medium level? like, why must it always become something else? jesus christ. angie, of all people. anyway. im going to change. im going to do something DRASTIC and become better! somehow. i really need to start going to school again. my teachers have given up. everyone thinks im a lost cause. my mom keeps buying me things. its the only way she knows how to help. i wish she wouldnt. i dont know what id have her do instead, but certainly stop buying me things. i feel terribly guiltly about that crap. anyway. whatever.

    i cut my hair.

    started playing wow again. im on a pvp server because i like getting ganked while questing. when is the crossroads NOT under attack? honestly?

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

  • Currently
    Ulysses by James Joyce (w/ Active Table of Contents and Chapter Navigation)
    By James Joyce
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    our town is having a fair this week. ive been spending just about all of my time RUSHING trying to read Ulysses before school starts. i really doubt i will. so for my summer reading so far i've read:
    "Dark Force Rising" - some star wars pulp novel i found from when i was 9
    "Slowly Downward" - awesome short stories by stanley donwood
    "The Vintage Book of Amnesia" - collection of old stories to do with memory loss

    and of course lots and lots and lots of fanfiction.

    i dont feel like going to the fair but its kind of a tradition for me to go and sit on a bench while all the local farmers walk around showing off their pigs and sheep and then we all go up on the ferris wheel with random people and kiss.
    last time i went i kissed this guy named thom. it was so fucking cold my nose looked like a radish. god.
    this year its in august, so i guess ill be sweaty and my entire face will be red instead.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

  • FAUGH

    we're out of bread, paul's off diddling his girlfriend, etc, etc....life. is. shite.
    i hate the stuff im taking. it makes me feel crappy and makes my shyness worse.
    i stopped taking it for the last couple days and its like vacation. its like the only fun ive had in ages other than NEVER. or other than the harry potter movie.
     
     
    yes i wore a fucking cape and it was GOOD FUCKING FUN. hardly anyone else dressed up. and they call themselves REAL fans. faugh. i am a real fan. i wore a god dam cape and a god dam tie and i had a god dam wand made out of a chopstick and it was good. so good. unlike the movie.

Thursday, 09 July 2009